


Repentance

by Nuraicha



Category: Muse (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Religious, Angst, Gen, Pre-Slash, Religious Conflict
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-12 15:00:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5670166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nuraicha/pseuds/Nuraicha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That night, everything changes for Matthew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Repentance

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to [McSparklez](http://archiveofourown.org/users/McSparklez/pseuds/McSparklez) for betaing.
> 
> Originally posted under the pseud **fluviusjones**.
> 
> **Disclaimer:** This is fiction and never happened. Plot is mine.

_And now why do you wait?_

_Rise and be baptized and_

_Wash away your sins_

_Calling on his name._

[Acts 22: 16]

 

“So, you aren’t chickening out, are you?”

“As a matter of fact, I am not. I’m going to do this.”

“You’ll be missed.”

Matthew felt Dominic’s eyes staring at the back of his skull, but he refused to turn around. He continued caressing the dark and thick mane of Hengroen, his favourite horse. He always reminded him of that time he and Dominic had tried to mount him on their own, when they were only seven years old, and they had ended on their backs, bottoms aching, laughing profusely until Matthew’s father found them and a hard reprimand had fallen upon them.

He leant his face closer to the horse, aspiring the musky and heavy scent of the animal. He felt that, in a way, it was Hengroen’s solid presence that was keeping him from falling apart in front of Dominic.

“Look at me, Matthew.”

Matthew finally turned around, a frown marring his features. Dominic was standing there, in the middle of the stable, nonchalant. He looked like he didn’t care about anything that was happening around him: Matthew’s emotional turmoil, the well known layout of the Bellamy’s stable, or the fact that this was the last time they were going to see each other.

“I’m not abandoning you.”

“Oh no, don’t fool yourself, you _are_ abandoning me, Dominic.” Matthew let out a humorless and bitter laugh, feeling the bile rise in his throat. “I’m not the one who’s leaving this household come morning. And it isn’t just me, you’re also abandoning your family, your community and–” His voice broke, the thought too terrible to express out loud. He wanted to cry, to scream and to punch his stupid friend, but he wouldn’t do any of those things. He just swallowed his feelings and tried to look at him as coldly as he could.

Dominic was shaking his head and, for the first time in the evening, he looked distraught and desperate.

“No, Matthew, not you, please. Don’t you understand you’re the only one I truly regret leaving?”

“Me?” Matthew asked. He sounded genuinely surprised. “What about your father, your mother, your sisters? And your grandmother? I know she isn’t in her best state of health and she’ll be soon reunited with the Creator, but she’ll still notice you’re gone, you know that. What are you even talking about?”

He really couldn’t understand what was going on in Dominic’s head. He could understand he wanted to leave for studying; he was sure Dominic would be a magnificent doctor one day, and that he’d be able to help those who suffered the same condition as his grandmother. What he couldn’t get was why it hurt so much, when he really didn’t believe this would conduct Dominic to Hell: how could Dominic, the closest thing to an angel Matthew had ever known, be destined to such a huge punishment if he only wanted to help other people?

Matthew’s head was pounding and he let himself fall to the floor, not caring about staining his clothes. He pressed his hands to his temples, trying to make sense of everything he was feeling, of all the contradictory thoughts that were crossing his mind at an alarming speed.

In an instant Dominic was right beside him, wrapping him in a tight embrace.

“I don’t understand,” Matthew whispered.

And he really didn’t. He had always thought his life would be as simple as his parents’: he would work hard, find a nice woman, marry her and educate their beliefs to their offspring. Dominic had never been a fixed point in the picture, but he had always assumed he would be there, in the background, watching his back and laughing at one of their countless jokes. They would have dinner at each other’s house once a week, they would help the other when he needed an extra hand on the farm and they would be happily attending the wedding of their respective children. Yes, he had always thought that his bond with Dominic Howard would last for all of their lives, and that their descendants would perpetuate the link between their households.

And yet, here he was. Saying goodbye to his best friend.

“I need to do this, Matthew. I wish there was another way, but I need to. I simply can’t understand why my grandma can’t be healed, when I know outside our town people keep surviving illnesses as horrible as the one she has. I can’t–” He swallowed thickly and hugged Matthew harder against his frame. “Why would He want her to die, when she can be cured?”

“But Dominic, we’ve talked about this before. We went to that library in the city, remember? She can’t.” Matthew tried to remind him, a weak flame of hope lighting his soul.

“If I can’t save her, at least I can try to help others. I think it’s my responsibility to try it.”

Matthew finally had the courage to disentangle himself from his arms to look straight at him. Dominic’s eyes were full of sorrow, but Matthew could also see the determination behind the sadness. And he knew there was nothing he could do to stop him.

“I don’t want you to condemn yourself,” he admitted in a trembling voice. “I couldn’t stand watching you burn.”

He left out a surprised gasp when Dominic cupped his face between his hands. His skin burned against Dominic’s palms and he thought he could hear the sound of his own blood rushing through his veins, his heart pumping with all its might. His head was about to explode.

“I promise I won’t. Believe in Him, and believe in me. I won’t burn. And I won’t leave you alone when our final hour comes. I’ll be up there with you, I promise”.

It felt like years were rushing past them, but the moment surely didn’t last more than a few seconds; they stayed there, looking at each other in silence, before Dominic hesitantly kissed his forehead. Matthew closed his eyes and knew his world would never be the same again.

When he opened them, Dominic was standing in front of him, offering his hand to help him stand up as well. Matthew accepted it, but the contact lasted barely a second. As soon as he was on his feet, Dominic backed up, leaving a safe distance between them.

“You know, this doesn’t have to be the end. You can always come and visit me, my uncle won’t mind if you stayed at his house, and you wouldn’t need to feel awkward around him because he knows about our community and the rules, as he was brought up here too, so he’d make everything easy for you and… You know.”

Dominic never rambled. That was Matthew’s role.

“And well, I’m sorry I can’t stay for your baptism, I need to take the train and we have to leave very early. I’ll write you a letter as soon as I’m settled; I want you to tell me how it went, okay? So… this can be a “see you soon”, right? We’ll still be friends, you absolutely have to tell me when–” Dominic cut himself abruptly, biting his lip nervously and avoiding Matthew’s eyes.

“When?” Matthew’s voice sounded alien even to his own ears. He didn’t feel exactly like himself. He thought his head was going to kill him. He felt as if his whole body was on fire, but at the same time, he was freezing.

“When you marry. Let me know if you end up with Mary, as she has been wanting you to court her since we were 12, or whether you finally pay attention to Anna. Just… We have to continue being best friends.”

Matthew could only nod. He wanted to be sick all over the floor.

“I will.”

Dominic looked at him and Matthew felt something snap inside him. He wouldn’t.

“God bless you, Matthew. You’re the most incredible person I know.” He smiled with fondness and Matthew wanted to scream.

Stay. Don’t leave me. Please don’t go, Dominic. Please. I can’t live without you by my side.

“God bless you too, Dominic. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

Dominic took a deep breath and nodded. And just like that, in a few steps, he was out of the stable. Out of Matthew’s life.

When the sacred water bathed his head the next morning he didn’t feel cleansed or free. He only felt that the ache that had taken residence inside his heart since Dominic had touched him with his lips grew heavier.

 

**Author's Note:**

> The isolated religious community Matthew and Dominic belong to (BTW, thanks to their parents for naming them with such biblical names!) is the [Amish](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amish). Of course, the Amish have branches and differences between each of them, so I haven’t specify which one, or even where, the boys live (in my mind is in the United States, but only because it’s the country with more Amish people). The Wikipedia article is long, but the two aspects of this community that are mentioned/hinted in this story are the baptism and the [rumspringa](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumspringa):
> 
> -Amish members don’t baptize until they’re adults (age may differ, but in this story both of them are more than 18 years old), which makes them enter the community. Therefore, by leaving the town to go to the university, Dominic is leaving the community and the Church.
> 
> -Regarding the rumspringa, it’s a word used to refer to the adolescence and, in a way, a period of ““experimentation”” before the teenager enters the Church. Now, don’t think in a naughty way! According to the Wiki, it’s more about typical teenage rebellion and all that stuff and, as young people aren’t baptised, they aren’t exactly part of the community in the “legal” sense, so the rules are a bit more relaxed around them. What’s all of this about in this story? Well, I don’t want to spoil anyone’s imagination, but what has happened for me during these years is simply that Dominic found his medical vocation and decided to abandon the town. Again, let me remind you this is pre-slash so no, during the rumspringa the boys weren’t up to any experimentation of that kind.


End file.
